I remember being terrified about going from one to two kids. Having to balance more than one small child scared me more going through childbirth for the first time. How the heck was I going to handle two when I can barely handle one? Not just two, but a toddler AND a newborn. 

After my first, I remember saying, “this was going to be my last.” It was all hard. I struggled with the sleep deprivation, the witching hours, the latching difficulties, and just adjusting to it all. There were many 4 am breakdowns. I didn’t know anything about wake windows in the beginning and I always felt like I was doing something wrong.

Around 1 years old he began sleeping through the night. At last, I started to feel more rested. When things began to settle down, I started to think about having one more. If I was going to do it, I better do it now. Life is already chaotic, so why not just double down? Now here we are with two. 

Here are a few things that surprised me when I expanded my family.

1. You Love All Your Kids the Same

Throughout pregnancy with my second, I remember thinking, how could I possibly love someone more than I love my current child? I never felt super connected to my kids during pregnancy. I am not one of those people who enjoyed being pregnant. Instead, I tried to keep myself busy so I didn’t have to think about it.

I had two years of one-on-one time with my first. We had our daily routines in place, and I got to know his big, adventurous personality. I was worried that I somehow wouldn’t feel the same way. Then the second one came and I became equally as obsessed. I was surprised by how quickly I felt that connection once he was born. I am 1 of 3 siblings and I never understood when my parents told us they loved us all the same. Now I do. 

2. The Newborn Phase Was Easier the Second Time

The first time around with a newborn was beyond hard. There is nothing you can do to truly prepare for the mental and physical toll of being a first-time parent. With the second, you are a pro. I was surprised by how much easier it was to adjust to the sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Don’t get me wrong, it was still hard but there was less of a learning curve.

I was already educated on nap schedules, nursing, sleep training, and soothing colic. I stocked up on my favorite leak-proof diapers and nursing bras. Having more experience under my belt made it seem less overwhelming, and more seamless.

Now balancing two at the same time is another story.

3. I Had More Confidence Despite Having More to Manage

When my second one arrived, I surprisingly felt more confident. I didn’t have the same feelings of failure even during the challenging times. The crying, and witching hours, while still not fun, didn’t affect me the same. Overall, I was calmer. I knew that this would pass and it wasn’t a result of something I was doing wrong.

4. It’s Possible to Do Activities Together That Everyone Enjoys

I had this notion that that age gap was going to be challenging to juggle. Despite the drastically different developmental stages, I was surprised to find we could still do things together that everyone enjoyed. They both enjoyed being in the playroom, going for walks in the double stroller, and even swimming in the pool. Not everything had to be a separate one-on-one activity.

Takeaways: Going From One to Two Kids

Going from one to two is a big decision to make and with each addition there is an adjustment phase. The second time around was still hard but many things pleasantly surprised me. From the ability to love more than one being with all of your heart to an easier transition with the newborn phase. There is certainly more chaos, but also more love.